Optimism

I'm taking all the kids to a local event today. It was labelled a "family fun" event. You know what that means....kids go wild, parents chase them around, everyone is sweating, then you get back in the car and make a silent promise to yourself that you will NEVER do something like that again. I know I've been there alot of times, but the lure of free food and live music (Chop's band!) has somehow given me amnesia about the last "family fun" event we tried to attend.
As these kind of things aren't fun enough for a single parent who is way outnumbered I mentioned it to a man I recently met and could possibly see myself dating. I'm not sure if he will make it out, but there is the possiblity that him and his daughter will be there.
I must be optimistic to even venture on outings like this, but this is how I can (with near accuracy) predict it will go.....

As soon as we arrive and everyone gets out of the car (and I get past the feeling like I am driving a clown car) I will count that yes, I did infact make it there with all 4 children. Next, I will remind them that cars can smash them like a pancake and I will reach over to take Owen by the hand. Sam will say something outloud that Carlie deems innappropriate and she will shove him back. He will bump into Harry who he outweighs by 100% knocking Harry down into the gravel. Harry will start bleeding from one or both knees and begin screaming like he has severed a limb. At the same time Sam and Carlie will both be talking non-stop about what did or did not happen to cause this series of events and Owen will start crying just because it sounds like the thing to do. Owen will then start screaming "Sam hit me! Sam hit me!" even though there was a good 5 feet and a mother between him and Sam during the entire ordeal.
We will somehow make it the rest of the way without incident....me holding Owen's hand, having a 6 year old hanging off my hip because he "CAN'T WALK CAN'T WALK CAN'T WALK" and Carlie and Sam following behind still shoving back and forth and bickering over whose fault the whole thing was.
Once we get to where the band is set up, my aunt will take over with the screaming wounded child because she will be equipped with bandaids and whatnot. Then everyone, at the same time, will suddenly be DYING OF THIRST. I have no water...hell I don't even remember bandaids.
I will then find 2 seats with a good 3 feet between them to place Carlie and Sam. Harry is beng doctored up. I will take Owen with me to get drinks for everyone.
I have Owen hold his own drink and am pleasantly suprised he is not spilling it. That feeling of triumph doesn't last long when I am holding the other 4 drinks and Owen declares he "need to POOP NOW!"
How I manage 5 drinks and a pooping toddler will somehow be a blur but we will eventually come out of the bathroom...pants croocked, sweating profusely, and minus one drink. I will decide I didn't need a drink anyway.
Once we make it back to our group, we find that Harry has made a miraclous recovery and Carlie and Sam are somehow best friends now and want to jump in bouncy houses.
But then everyone sees the hotdog stand and we spend the next 18,000 hours ordering hotdogs, putting condiments on hotdogs, throwing away dropped hot dogs, re-ordering hotdogs, scraping off ketchup that was wanted and then OMG NOT WANTED! We walk away from the hot dog stand....stained up pretty good, sweating profusely, and me somehow starving TO DAMN DEATH. Did I eat?
Now...on the way to the bouncy houses...repeat the entire parking lot, bleeding, drinks, POOP scenario but just change the order of the names. This totaly will happen again.
Finally...bouncy houses. I'm sweating profusely, is that mustard, where is one of my shoes...kids...count them one, two, three, four. Ok. That's good. They bounce for a while. We find everyone's shoes. I have Carlie on my back who swears she twisted an ankle, Sam and Harry running circles aroun my body while I'm trying to walk, and am dragging a screaming Owen towards the car.
Then I hear in the background..."Hey! We made it. Are youguys leaving already? What is that on your face?"

See. I'm so optimistic. Well, time to go!