Owen

When I lay down next to you, son, I wonder about the dreams on your mind. I move closer to your sweaty little body laying so heavy on the pillow. You are at total peace. You are happy, carefree, energetic, loving...
You are a wonderful child. My heart is so full of joy yet so broken for you.
On the day you were born you were born into a room with a mother AND a father eagerly waiting for you. Your sticky hot body was laid on my chest and your father's hands were on you. Your brothers and sister filled in the room. There were six of us. I feel like you remember that somehow. Like you know there is something missing.
I will never know how someone could walk away from you. I would fight until my death to stay by you if told I could not. You are a wonderful child.
When you see a picture of a man and say, "Is that my dad?" or when we are shopping and you look at me and say, "Where my dad?" as though I forgot to buy him...I feel like I can not take any more of that pain. My biggest wish is that you are just curious and that you don't feel that pain the way I feel it for you. I hope that my mother love can swallow it up into my own heart and protect you from it.
Soon you will be meeting your "dad". I wish I could be with you, explain it to you, help you understand, comfort you, hold your hand until you are comfortable with it. I can not. I can do so many things for you but I have to let you go into the unknown.
I know that the second he sees you....the moment he hears your sweet innocent questioning tone, his heart is going to shatter for all those moments he missed with you. He is going to regret all the times he chose convience over you. You are a wonderful child.