The things you just don't say outloud

I think my head may explode if I don't start getting some of this out. This isn't the kind of stuff you just go around saying, but here goes:

I'm sick of being solo. I miss having a full family....mom, kids, and MAN. I miss taking care of a house and taking care of a man and fixing dinner for someone that appreciates that. I miss looking forward to getting the kids to bed because there is someone there I want to spend time with. I miss those suggestive looks...like "wait til I get these kids to bed and see what I have planned for you!"
To any of my friends (and there are a few) who think it would be much better on your own...I have to say this:
Sometimes it is better on your own. I don't want to be with someone who has zero personality, can't laugh at my jokes, and always looks at me and my children like he wishes we would all morph into something else. I don't want to be with someone who pushes my buttons just to see me get upset and then mocks me for having any emotions. I don't want to be with someone who plays sick mind games like that. I feel for you if you are with that kind of person and yes...then maybe it is better to be on your own. I have made decisions to leave situations like that.
But really, it is not better on your own. I want someone on my side. Someone to have my back. Someone to start and finish days with. When something insane happens like the applesauce jar flies through the air and lands butt side down on the floor without a drop spilling anywhere, I want to look over at someone and say, "holy shit! Did you see that?"
Basically the silence at night is getting deafening. And as nice as this apartment is it feels like an oversized hotel room.
This sounds depressing. I'm not. I love being with my kids and I really love my new job. I just am so ready for so much more.