Let it be

I was laying across my bed flipping through a book I'm about to start, checking facebook on my phone, just listening to the noises of kids settling down for the night. They were wandering around playing with cars, getting on the computer, reading, brushing their teeth. Somehow I dozed off for a minute and was in one of those places where you can be deeply asleep even though it is only for a time span of about 90 seconds. I felt someone by my face and opened my eyes to see Harrison's confused look. He asked me "Can I tell you anything?" I assured him that of course he could tell me anything. He said, "Are you sure...really anything?" I again told him that he could tell me ANYTHING AT ALL. He waited until Owen left the room and leaned down and whispered in my ear, "I don't like dad."
What do you say...
For a moment I was struck with all the "shoulds". I should encourage him to like his dad. I should tell him all the wonderful things his dad did for him as a baby and young child. I should tell him how much his dad loves him.
I was still kind of out of it from the deep dozing I had fallen into. I just looked at his face and saw his guilt. I decided the best thing for him at that moment was to let him have that emotion. Let it be.
I told him that it is ok to not like someone sometimes. We don't have to like everyone. We can love people and still not like them. We can love people and not like things that they have done. We can look at people who have done things that make us not like them and choose to live our lives different.
He said, "I'm not going to be like dad."
I hugged him and told him that he was going to be an amazing person. I also told him his dad loves him. I wish like hell for him that his dad could find someway to make him believe that. Maybe in moving back to Illinois that will at some point happen. Maybe it won't. Either way, I choose to let it be. I am not responsible for his relationship with his children. It took me many many MANY years to realize that. I am only responsible for my relationship with MY children. If they hurt because of him I can't erase that but I can allow them to feel the way they feel and not tell them ever how they "should" feel because....really, how "should" any of us FEEL.